Hello Everyone!
I'm so excited to welcome you all to the 2023 CincyItIsUs Fantasy Football League! It's going to be another great year of football, and I wanted to take this time to go over a couple league rules:
League buy-in is $100 this year
If you have not submitted you buy-in by the end of WEEK 3, you are ineligible for prize money
Prize money is as follows: 1st place receives $800, 2nd place receives $400
For those that may have missed it, our draft order was determined by drawing names out of a Santa hat (the evidence has been uploaded to YouTube and can be found embeded at the bottom of this post). ⬇️⬇️
Here's a preview of the upcomming slate of WEEK 1 matchups:
Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert vs. Team Larison
Team Larison comes into WEEK 1 as the heavy favorite over Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert
Notable Injuries: WR Cooper Kupp (Questionable, hamstring), RB Breece Hall (Questionable, knee)
Team Hood vs. Kim jong un
The defending champions take on the mighty dictator of the People's Republic of Korea
Notable Injuries: QB Joe Burrow (Questionable, calf)
Uncle Waldo vs. Team Bookshar
Team Bookshar takes on a silly goose
Notable Injuries: WR Terry McLaurin (Questionable, toe), TE Mark Andrews (Questionable, undisclosed), WR Jerry Jeudy (Questionable, hamstring), WR Allen Lazard (Questionable, shoulder)
Team Kaz vs. Team Mills
The newbie squares off against a grizzled vet
Notable Injuries: none
Roy Donk vs. Coach
Coach is going to try and teach Roy Donk a lesson
Notable Injuries: WR Jaylen Waddle (Questionable, abdomen), WR Romeo Doubs (Questionable, hamstring), RB Jonathan Taylor (Out, ankle), K Eddie Pineiro (Questionable, groin), TE Zach Ertz (Questionable, knee), RB Zack Moss (Questionable, arm)
Team Battista vs. Spiders Under My Bed
Can Team Battista stomp the Spiders Under My Bed??
Notable Injuries: TE George Kittle (Questionable, undisclosed), RB Miles Sanders (Questionable, groin), TE T.J. Hockenson (Questionable, back), WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba (Questionable, wrist), WR D.J. Chark (Questionable, hamstring)
Suspended: RB Alvin Kamara
Well, that's a wrap boys. The playoffs are here, and that means six of us just tossed $100 into a paper shredder. If you've got a bottle of something strong, now's the time (although Ohio just legalized recreational weed, so I guess blow down if that's your thing).
Team Kaz and the Spiders Under My Bed are your top two seeds, and they get the week off as Team Larison, Taylor Swift's Boyfriend's Team, The Purdy Train and Team Battista battle it out.
The rest of us are left in the cold. Say a prayer for poor No Chubb at Olave Garden. Despite losing his best player in Week Two, he hung in there and nearly crashed the playoff-party. I guess one 7 - 7 team was going to be left out, and it was you.
Anyway, let's get into the results from Week 14...
Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert (116.5) defeats Uncle Waldo (106.0)
Hey, Cooper Kupp is still alive! How about that? Nice of you to show up Coop! Of course, it would have been nicer if was any time before Week 14, but oh well.
One more thing: I nominate Uncle Waldo as waiver-wire wizard of the year. Between snagging C.J. Stroud, De'Von Achane and Brandon Aubrey, nobody else even comes close. How in the hell did you miss the playoffs??
Team Hood (111.0) defeats Team Kaz (100.5)
After looking like the 2023 49ers to start the season, Team Kaz is looking dangerously like the 2020 Steelers to end it. Remember them? They started the year 11 - 0 only to finish 12 - 4 before being bounced by Baker Mayfield and the Browns in the Wild Card round. At least Team Kaz managed to hold on to the #1 seed and that all-important first-round bye. But make no mistake: cracks are showing in Team Kaz's armor.
The Purdy Train (105.5) defeats Team Larison (71.0)
The Purdy Train got a big win and punched their ticket to the big dance. I have to give props to Team Larison for having the cahones to go with Jake Browning, and I only wish it could have paid off for you. Joe Burrow who?
Team Battista (88.0) defeats Kim jong un (64.0)
This is the end for old Kimmy. All the might of North Korea wasn't enough to change the outcome. It's a sad day, not just because we won't get to see Kim in the playoffs, but because Kim has almost certainly thrown about 67 people so far into a bottomless pit for their failure.
No Chubb at Olave Garden (137.5) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (83.5)
That's gotta sting. No Chubb defies all the odds, stays in the hunt, peaks at the right time, and still misses out on the dance. Fantasy Football is a cruel mistress. And we can't stop seeing her because we're sick and love pain, but still: very cruel.
Taylor Swift's Boyfriend's Team (177.5) defeats Coach (107.0)
Did anyone else hear that Al Michaels won't be calling games for NBC during the playoffs this year? Did you also hear that he's out because he apparently is pissed at the league for giving the Swift-Kelce ship so much air time. Al Michaels is my hero.
And those are the results from Week 14! Check back again next week for the results of the first-round of the playoffs. Good luck everyone!